Running and Life Goals
What taking up running can actually teach us about slowing down…
I’m not a great believer in this whole “new year, new me” stuff. Because I strongly believe that we’re all wonderful already, we just sometimes need a little help reminding ourselves what makes us wonderful. Massive sweeping new year’s resolutions where we commit to massive life-changes that are far too big to actually achieve aren’t my thing. However, I do believe that most of us have one or two (or quite a few) unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours that we could compassionately work on in order to grow and feel better about ourselves. Including me.
With this in mind, I’ve recently taken up running again. When I say again, let’s be clear, I was never what I would class as a serious runner. I was certainly never fast – I have vivid memories of taking part in sponsored runs and having people dressed as bananas zooming past, despite the extra weight of a human-sized banana costume. However, I did it. I ran 10ks, even a few half-marathons. I have medals to prove it. And then injuries and life sort of took over, I got out of the habit, and the running stopped. I’ve walked. A lot. But running lost its appeal, and its only recently that I started to remember what I used to enjoy about it.
Proof I did win medals. For half-marathons and everything. I now want to remind myself that I did that! @JulesLoweCounselling
I sometimes refer to my late twenties as my “Forrest Gump era”, as I just ran and ran. I went through some troubling times for various reasons, including a whole heap of loss, and I found running really helped clear my head and made me feel better, at least for that short time. I could put my headphones in and let the tunes from my iPod make me feel less alone as I ran for miles. I didn’t realise it at the time, but running was a great outlet for all the anger I refused to admit I had (I now subscribe to the “anger is a useful emotion and can be energy for change” belief rather than the familiar “good girls don’t get angry” belief that I’d developed in my childhood, but more on that another day!). It appealed to my drive system, giving me a lovely dopamine hit when I completed a run (and sometimes a medal, did I mention the medals?) and a much-needed confidence boost – I knew I was doing something “good”.
Flash forward to now. I’m not quite in my twenties anymore (in fact, I can barely see them in the distance), and thanks to some amazing counselling, some brave life choices and a lot of hard work I’m no longer in a place where I “need” to run – I’m generally happy and content (as much as any human can be – happiness, after all, is a fleeting emotion like the rest). Running still helps clear my mind and relieve stress (again, I’m a human – I get stressed), but this time I’ve realised that I’m approaching this running malarky with a whole different mindset, and I’ve realised how much it can apply to life in general.
The biggest difference? Compassion
When I used to run, the critical voice inside my head was LOUD. “You’re not running fast enough – look, you’ve just been overtaken by a banana!” “You missed that run today – back to square one!” I was so hard on myself and so hard on my body, even though I look back and can’t believe how slim I actually was, and marvel at what I achieved. Sound familiar? I notice that with so many of my clients, their biggest critic is themselves. They have so much compassion for those around them, but so little for themselves. This time round, I’m working on being my very own cheerleader. It can feel uncomfortable to start off with, and will take time to embed – after all, you’ve probably spent years talking yourself down – but it does get easier, honest! “Sure, that 5k was super slow, but do you know what? You did it!” “You missed that run today because something cropped up? No worries, you’ve done great this week and you’ll get back out there tomorrow!” So many people are scared that one they start being more compassionate to themselves they’ll start making excuses and won’t get anything done. Reader, this isn’t a case of you missed that run, no worries, you went running once so no need to worry about going again, go and eat a donut and carry on with your life. But if you are harsh on yourself, if you tell yourself you’re back to square one and follow an “all-or-nothing” mindset, you are so much more likely to be defeated and stop trying. However, if you remind yourself of how far you’ve come, and have faith that this is a blip and that you will come back stronger, you are so much more likely to continue.
OK, so I'll just casually mention the time I ran on the beach alongside the Pacific Ocean on a trip to San Francisco. What a privilege. Sadly I just took a photo of my feet… @JulesLoweCounselling
The same goes for personal growth. Sometimes clients have a set back – they do something that follows an old script they may have followed, or they find temptation hard to resist. Their critical voice goes into overdrive and they tell themselves they’re back to square one and all the work they’ve done in counselling was for nothing. This is when self-compassion comes in. I encourage clients to look at how far they’ve come, and remind them that we often take two steps forward and one step back. Sure, you can give up and go back to those unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours on a full-time basis, but I find that most people who start counselling don’t want to do this, and that part of you that’s wanting to change, however quiet it may sound, will get stronger with encouragement rather than shaming. And I’m here to cheerlead you on (even if this means gently challenging you when you do start sounding like you’re making excuses to yourself).
Your body is a temple
I was soooo harsh on my body when I used to run. Rest days? No need. I’ll power through. Slight twinge in my calf muscle? Power through. Leg dropping off? Power through (OK, maybe that last one didn’t actually happen…). Running before was about losing weight, about how I looked and whether I could fit into that size 10 dress that I was using as motivation. This time, it feels completely different. I’m not going to pretend that the initial motivation to start running again wasn’t spurred on at least in part by a recognition that an indulgence in mince pies and cheese has left me feeling rather cosy in my clothes… But I’m now much more concerned about getting fit and healthy, about developing and maintaining a heart and muscles that will continue to serve me long into my “more mature lady” era. With this in mind, I’m looking after my body a whole lot more, and making sure I take those rest days and listening to what my body needs. I’m also trying to speak more kindly to it, marvelling at what it can do, rather than berating it for what it can’t. It’s not easy after so many years of being so harsh, but you’ll be amazed at how much easier it starts to become with some practice. And I’d offer that this applies to life too – if taking a break over Christmas has reminded me of anything, it’s that rest days are needed. When we’re running, rest days are needed to repair our muscles and restore our energy levels; in life we also need to make sure take moments to fill our own cup and recharge before we take on the world again. And speaking to ourselves kindly is always a great motivator in my opinion.
Slow and steady wins the race
Exercise through nature calms our body and mind @JulesLoweCounselling
Back to those bananas… When I felt I was running “too slowly”, I used to put pressure on myself to be faster, better, and tell myself I wasn’t good enough. These days, well, I’m happy going at my own tortoise-like space. I’ll get there eventually, and what an adventure I’ll have along the way! I love running in nature (I know, shocker), and I get to savour the trees around me, noticing the ivy winding around their trunks and the feel of the soft, mushy leaves under my feet. Exercising in nature has so many extra benefits (see my blog), so all I need to do is do it, rather than being the best at it. And boy is this a metaphor for life! In my late twenties I was hurtling through life too, constantly trying to achieve this goal or complete that task and rarely taking time to slow down and savour each moment as it happened – it was always onto the next life event or work task. Sometimes I see this with clients too. They’ll come to me asking for multiple sessions in a week, wanting to power through and make allll the changes all at once, and as soon as they possibly can. Change takes time, especially if it’s going to last, so as much as it can feel frustrating, there is so much to be gained from slowing down, going at our own pace, and actually trying to enjoy the process as much as we can.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
If I’m honest, I realise that one of the biggest things that was holding me back was fear. Fear I’d get injured again. Fear I wouldn’t be “any good”. Fear that I’d write about it in a blog and then give up and everybody would know… And yet I know myself. Once I start something, I’m committed, and I’ll try my best. If I’m going to follow Susan Jeffer’s mantra of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, I need to acknowledge that I’m fearful, consider why that is and then take the leap of faith and do it anyway. The fear is there because I care, as is so often the case. But I also know I’ve done it before and I can do it again. It may not go exactly as planned, it may have all sorts of plot twists, but there’s a general direction and I’m excited to see what happens. And once again, a little like life, don’t you think?
Like the idea of this self-compassion business but haven’t a clue where to start? I’m here to support and encourage you until you’re able to do it for yourself and I’d love to hear from you.
Jeffers, S. (2012). Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.
Zemeckis, R. (1994). Forrest Gump. Paramount Pictures.
